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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Fight Between Room mates

Fight Between Room mates

Fights between roommates usually end up in a territorial battle or may be a grudge for a life time. You butt heads for one night and after that everything the other person does for the rest of the week is wrong.“Little things that never really annoyed you before now blaringly stand out.”

Charlotte Bronte said “Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs”. But can u avoid that, at least I can’t ....even if you don’t react to something, it’s mentally that you keep on thinking about your grudges. Sometimes it becomes really difficult as u want to remain silent so that you avoid reacting on your grudge, but this silence kills you internally. And if you think of forgetting that you find that you can’t forget it!!!!Then you think that the life is always bewitched because you cannot be a saint who will maintain his cool every time. The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.

Now let me come to the main topic, Fights between roommates usually end up in a territorial battle or may be a grudge for a life time. You butt heads for one night and after that everything the other person does for the rest of the week is wrong.“Little things that never really annoyed you before now blaringly stand out.”You may have left a couple of dirty dishes out, but since his pile is a little bigger than yours you decide to snap at him: "I always clean the dishes why don't you try to do work for a change?!" And the response really depends on your roommate. Because if you have a nice roommate who isn't used to confrontation, he might behave strange after that. He can stop talking to you or might taunt back at you or stop taking lunch with you. This is just human nature and I will repeat the same more than once .It’s Just that room mates are after all roommates they are not your friends or soul mates they are just roommates and if they are more than that other roommates might have problem with that, I hope you understand that .

The issue of cleaning the dishes might end up in a strange outcome where one might think of other as an insensitive Nazi. A cool roommate will then calmly clean all the dishes, go out and buy disposable cups, plates and whatever, and point out that he won't ever have to use the dishes again. A hot tempered roommate will throw all the dirty dishes out into the hallway and say something like, "The dishes have relocated themselves. Maybe if we're lucky, room service will come pick them up and then you'll get herpes you dumb cunt. I hate living with you." Stop acting like my Dad.

All I'm saying is, this is just human nature, when you are grown up like a guy who isn't used to confrontation these things can mean a lot or may invite reactions instead of actions. And in my view point it’s just normal, if the frequencies does not match between two people it’s not like that one or the other is a significant idiot it’s just that both are normal human beings and they can’t stay together because they have different tastes of ice creams, yeah if I like vanilla and you love strawberry why should I have a problem with it. And these small tiffs or may be bigger ones should not be the deciding factor for judgment on his character or whatever significant.

Then there's always the silent treatment method of fighting where you and your roommate refuse to communicate with each other. One comes in for a small talk, the other leaves. No longer do you share the music on your computer/mobile, one sits with headphones on (I do it and I agree with it), the other sits in dead silence. But you can always tell if someone is mad by the way they eat and shut the door. When a roommate is sleeping you secretly hope that your intensive singing is keeping them awake. And let's face it, it's always a fun contest to see who can slam the door the hardest, just to prove that (SLAM!) you're still mad, (WACK!) you're not giving in, and (BANG!!) not even alcohol is going to be able to solve this problem. (I have actually realized that, personal experience speaks dude!!), this silent treatment is actually the one in which you're really screwed. Yes I mean it and it happens everywhere, you are not a solitaire victim of the same.

There is another types of roommates as well, Ok first tell me don’t you love the friends who stay neutral when you're fighting? You know, the ones who don't want to take sides, don't want to get involved, are content with the awkward silence at the lunch table, and pretend that doors aren't be slammed uncontrollably (it's probably just the wind)? They just simply don't want to be thrown into politics where they might actually have to be decisive—at least to stop the incredible singing in the midnight. To me these friends are known as uninvolved inconsiderate confidants who won't confirm that the other person is wrong and I'm completely right—to the rest of the world they're known as the Swiss. Obviously NOM!
Yet other types of roommates is that who will always tell you to please keep the volume of your T.V or music system exactly when you are enjoying it the most and will never keep the volume down themselves when they are watching/listening the same. A typical reaction will be that one will immediately switch off the system and SLAM the door pretending nothing bothers him and he don’t even care about the another and will wait for his turn to say please keep the volume down in the most polite of the manners. It’s just that one or the other could have been more polite being at each other’s shoes.

And then there's always a thrower lurking somewhere in the mist. You know this person. He's pretty cool under pressure. You've never seen him overreact or throw a tantrum. Normally he's just completely put together—not a shiny hair on his head out of place. Then one day someone screws him over. A ML gives him an unfair CRR rating, a bad driver cuts him off on the street, the toilet paper was put on backwards causing an unsightly kink in his folding pattern before wiping his ass—whatever makes him tick. But when he snaps—especially if it's the first time—you're not ready to see him torpedo his knick knacks across the room. The floor and wall have evidence of broken picture frames all over it, perfume bottles are leaking into the carpet, and the once peaceful snow village has been victimized by a lost eco-system when he violently chucks the snow globe into the door. Then he'll storm off, leaving the roommate to clean it up before he gets back and has to see the carnage of items that would have gotten a pretty good price at a garage sale.

A word of caution: when this individual is pissed at you, he has aim like a sniper chilling in a bell tower on a cloudless day. So when his miniature tower of Pisa comes flying at your head, just pray you've got better coordination than you do when you're playing Mario or may be mortal combat or most probably street fight.

Money is always going to be an issue. Everyone goes to the ATM and therefore everyone has hundreds. And no one is ever around with change. So someone always ends up paying more than the fair share, and the topic of gas money could have its own column. Let's just say this: we're all poor in our own sense, but don't never offer someone gas money, or if you do promise to buy them a drink, you better remember it down at the bars. You can't blame someone when they're sober and driving on just a few pennies.
Confronting people about money matters is the only confrontation I am scared of. I'd rather pay for the whole table at a restaurant and be done with it than watch everyone pull out calculators and bicker to a dead end about tax and tip, only to have them forget to pay me back later, Thank god people maintain some kind of notebook at home to manage all these else this issue is the worst when taken to our faces. Because at some point down the line when you're short on cash, you'll end up bringing up the "you owe me" subject. Some people are so sensitive about money that they'll just fling a twenty at you, you won't accept, and then it just sits there on the ground about to be blown away, when really both of you want it and feel you rightfully deserve it.

At the end I would just like to add that people do have difference in attitude, perceptions and perspectives and yes people do have their own set of choices .you might like licking a vanilla ice cream and I might like to eat it, it’s just the choices and the way we want to live our lives and the small fights between roommates should not be the deciding factor in deciding him as a person.

PS: “People are islands in the sea of misunderstandings”
PS: If This seems long and boring then you aint getting the Point.
PS 3: Yes its a repost , as one of my friend is not going through a great period.
Well I guess , Fights between room mates do happen and we are all human to do that , i just want to say that , We should try to move on and change the room before things get too bad to be patched up later , we all know we will have a good laugh at these things after 20 years.


  1. I liked the post :-) Yes money is one cause which is ignored in present but creates wedges in future. But there is a difference in girl room mates and boys room mates.. u cud have mentioned that too :)Nice write up btw

    1. @shilpi Dutta
      Thanks a lot.
      and yes next time i will try to write what happens in girls room !!! :)
      Thanks again

  2. This story is so genuine :-) I have gone through such situations more than once in life :-)

  3. -Nice blog sharing information