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Saturday, May 8, 2010

I am what I am

I am what I am .
Well , People here when they start talking to me consider me such a happy go lucky funny guy , who is such a happy guy and friendly (over friendly ) sometimes , such a forward and yeah quite helping who is very mature who has his bad qualities as well which are very irritating sometimes.
People see me so strong, but do they really know how I feel inside, no! People think they know me better than God does, and or even myself, how sad is that. Even if I might be an egoistic geek I would have some feeling deep inside me .You might see me as a happy go lucky guy but you don’t even know what going on inside me .
Problems with me .
1.)Sometimes I am really egoistic.
Well egoism shares the ultimate problems of selfhood, and assume the self to consist of a man's person and those things in which he is or ought to be directly interested. The general statement that such theories refer for an egoistic fellow is that all moral action to criteria of the individual's happiness, preservation, moral perfection, raises an obvious difficulty. Egoism merely asserts that the self is all-important in the application of moral principles, and does not in any way supply the material of these principles. It is a purely formal direction.
The chances of feeling hurt, betrayed, empty, injured, rejected, abused is more than a normal guy. Yes even if I seem so happy from outside you don’t even know baby what going on .I can carry such a sweet smile which will never let you guess what’s going on . Even if I might be an egoistic geek I would have some feeling deep inside me .You might see me as a happy go lucky guy but you don’t even know what going on inside me .I'm always been the Egoistic - type since elementary. I admit that I'm Happy-Go-lucky most of the time, though I have a few low moments sometimes but I don't really take every arguments light heartedly every now and then, and if I see someone around me being fake and I don't treat them as friends.
2.)I don’t trust I.T.(Most of the times)
I believe that friends or best friends here in I.T aren't real! They just take you for granted and they will be nice to you only if they need something, but after that, you'll just find yourself left in nowhere. It might sound weird but being alone is what makes me happy sometimes. I feel uncomfortable when I'm surrounded by many individuals who makes such loud noises and faking their smiles when you're facing them. Honestly, I get sick of it! But sometimes I also get confused. Why? Because I know that no man is an island and you can't survive without friends.
I may need someone's help in the future when I'm really down. That's what my mom had told me and rest assured that I'll always keep that in mind. Well, there's one time that I've tried to be friendly, and surprisingly, it worked! I have befriended several individuals which I must say they're really fun to be with. Unfortunately, I always felt that I'm not really happy when I'm with them because everything around is so fake.
Sometimes I think I must stick with only my school and college friends all my life coz that's when/where I do my best in all the things that I love to do. For now, the only friend and best friend I have is God or may be Parents. They are the only one I know that will remain true and loyal to me all throughout the way. Besides, God made us all unique! Maybe I'm just one of the "master-piece" He had created for this world - and I won't complain about that! What's important now is that I'm in to the place where I think I'm supposed to be and where I became happy.
Mind you : I have made such close friends here at I.T field that I have had never imagined and the new friend list is ever increasing.

3.)I am such a forward if I consider you as a friend.
Yeah , If I consider you a friend , I will tell you everything and will expect the same from your side which is infect is very dangerous. If I consider you as a friend I can do anything for you but sadly I will expect the same. Sometimes I might end up asking you such a stupid and idiotic question that even I would not realize what I have done. This is the most dangerous part of my personality. I consider myself to be a frank person (where needed) but this thing is very dangerous .I have to be told by my friends many times what do I need to ask and what I should not .Because only then I realize that sometimes. Because if someone considers discussing or sharing or talking about randomly about something to be really cool other might have restrictions .And I am such a stupid to understand that many times.
4.)I hate being a sympathy sucker.
I really don’t realize but I really behave as a sympathy sucker sometimes and that’s is infect bad. After all the sympathy sucking I do from my friends I realize that it was such a stupid thing to do. But if you talk with someone who cares for you, like your mom or dad, you will almost always start to feel better. Now you're not all alone with your problems or worries. It doesn't mean your problems and worries disappear magically, but at least someone else knows what's bothering you and can help you find solutions. But sometimes the egoistic part of my personality shouts to stop being sympathy sucker and try to hide your burdens , grudges and all issues to myself only. The thing comes with ego I guess.
5.)I m a looser when it comes to convincing people that I am really sorry about something.
I know that word convincing is not appropriate here but what do I write then . I am unable to make people feel that I am really sorry about the wrong things I have had done many times. Only time makes them realize that I was really sorry . It’s all about the image and the energy I carry with my huge ego. Even if I am sorry I cannot stop working and think about you all the time is infect my problem. I am not bon to hurt people and if I do that by mistake and I realize it how do I make sure you people also understand that I have realized? Is this question because of my ego.
6.)I talk to myself .
Yes ,I know man this is really weird , Many a times I have been caught and being embarrassed talking to myself. But I have been really helpless eradicating this habit of mine. Yes I do it , I agree .I most often talk to myself while looking into o the mirror , while riding my bike , while ironing clothes and before an interview. I know it’s kind of weird but I cannot help it.
Wow! I didn't expected this weird ending! LOL

How about you?

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