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Saturday, May 8, 2010

Break Off

I was in exactly the same situation as you some time ago (only difference was that we'd been together for a year, not MANY). My ex and I had been together for a year and for various reasons I hadn't made that many friends in that year - I knew a few people, but we weren't close and didn't spend that much time together. When my ex and I broke up, I felt like I had nobody. Without her to spend time with, I had lots of free time and didn't know what to do with myself. I felt so alone.
I can give you the following advice, which really helped me to get over my ex. Firstly, lean on the friends you have. I hated doing this at first because felt that I was being such a burden. I didn't really know them that well and was suddenly trying to hang out with them quite a bit, and asking them to be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, when what had I ever done for them? But if you think about it and the situation was reversed, one of your friends came to you and wanted to spend time with you because she'd just split up with her long-term boyfriend, wouldn't you feel sad for her and want to help her, even though you hadn't been that close with her in the past? That's what my 'friends' said to me, that even though we didn't know each that well we were still friends and that's what friends do, they help each other out. So get in touch with your friends, tell them you need them, and you'll probably find you aren't as alone as you think.
Secondly, never say no to an opportunity, especially if it involves getting out of the house and doing something. Maybe your friends will invite you over, maybe you see an ad for an event or activity you fancy going along to, maybe you have a free evening and figure you could go down to the local pub. Or you could invite your friends out and round for dinner. Even if you don't really feel like going out or doing anything, make the effort. This is especially with friends because the more you say no, the less likely you are to get included in their plans, and the less you initiate contact with them, the less they're going to initiate contact with them. But even if it's just an evening in your local pub, even if you just sit by yourself in the corner all evening, the more often you do that the more known you'll get by other locals and you could end up making some new friends. Besides, it's better than sitting at home by yourself and moping about your ex.
Thirdly, a lot of people say that you can't stay friends with an ex after a break up. That's not true in all cases because me and my ex did. We both felt that after spending so much time together it would be too hard not to see each other - also it would have been very difficult because all the people we knew were mutual friends. My advice is, that when you want to see him or speak to him, think hard about whether you actually need to do it or would just like to. If you would just like to, do something else instead. You can't stay reliant on him as your best friend, but you can make it a gradual process by slowly cutting down on how much contact you have with him, rather than going cold turkey and cutting contact with him altogether. You need to talk about your feelings and if he's willing to be there for you, take him up on the offer - like I said, never pass up an opportunity.
You might find it useful to write down your feelings, maybe in an online journal like this. I found that I kind of needed to say the same things over and over, so instead of just relying on friends, I would type everything out and by doing that, by explaining the situation on the computer screen, I found new angles of looking at why I was feeling the way I was feeling and as a result, I was able to rationalize it and deal with it more effectively.
Finally, don't be tempted to do anything with him 'for old time's sake'. Friendship is ok but you must keep it platonic or no good will come of it.
And the most important thing , some people might be able to take this opportunity to befool you , this can lead to a relationship blunder , so don’t get into a new one at least for an year.

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