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Thursday, June 14, 2012

My Toys !

Dear Dairy , The Day has come , finally its Independence day , Its the day I have been waiting from past 21 years ,My story still remains at the edges of awareness for people, and it is so associated with me that many people think that it must be something that I talk about all the time to everyone who will listen, but I actually try not to discuss it personally very often. I am asked about it, But I make sure not to tell anyone how I ended up here.

The other day I hurt myself really badly. Lying in bed this morning I couldn't breathe, my heart was heavy and it continued to pulsate against my chest so that every beat hurt my insides. Tears sprung up in my eyes and suddenly I thought.I'm going to die.But as soon as the news came that due to my good and sane behavior I was exited to say the least.I have waited for this news day in and day out.All through the long dark nights which have been sleepless and the long hot days here.
I know that I didn't get cut or bruised and I didn't break any bones. It wasn't a heart attack or a panic attack or any kind of medical condition that could be fixed with a trip to the hospital. This kind of hurt can't be fixed up with a Band-Aid.But it was no closer to the pain I felt when they did the crime ,they played for years till I realized that was not right.I killed that bastard.
That pain is still there I have kept my wounds open so that I remember I have to kill another bastard ,sitting at my desk now and thinking upon it, I've realized the pain isn't going away. My heart feels heavy and I can feel every sluggish beat against my chest. Sometimes I forget to breathe. Today I haven't had anything to drink and only when my stomach was in severe pain did I even remember I should have eaten.Just now I had water melon ,This color reminds me of the blood I drank that night when I killed that bastard.
But I know . I've felt this before in my life, several times. This is a pain I am familiar with. At this point, we are close friends. I understand this pain, and it comes to visit me every now and then.Hello Pain, I can't say I've missed you but it's nice to have a companion. To which Pain replies with a long bout of heavy silence.This silence often slumbers in the futile sleep.
I was institutionalized here 21 years ago , I still remember they said I was Just a kind , I did this because I was not mentally stable , I remember I was shouting , screaming at the bastard who was just trying to calm me , I was sure I will get back to him and take my revenge as I did with his friend , he has to pay for his crimes as well.Perhaps in my past when I was younger and had very little self confidence, I would have been happy just to have been alone because I knew When I was in their company they would play with their favorite toys which were small for their age but they would still play with them and would scare me to death If I disclosed that to anyone.I never wanted them to play with the toys they loved so I started staying alone.
I remember when that bastard come to me that night I was ready as soon as he touched the toy I killed him , I killed him with the knife I had.I stabbed him to the time my hand started paining.I was caught.I still remember I was screaming , I screamed all the time.Every bit of pain you suffer through makes you stronger. Perhaps it leaves you scars, but you must treat those as battle scars and trophies. Never ever let anyone tell you that you are worthless. I know that eventually my pain will heal and I will be a stronger woman because of it.I will be released tomorrow. I know I have a task at hand-to kill the other bastard who used to play with the toys .Their Toys - My breasts.!

PS: This post is not to promote child abuse ,This post is also not to promote violence , This post is a fictional take on the circumstances.
PS2 : No Offense meant to those who think this post is A rated and provide negative vibes .

26 comments:

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    1. Crystal you have been a motivator !! A real one !! I am glad on what you have written here !! Really glad !! Thanks for the encouraging words !! and yes I will think on the lines you have said.

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    3. Give me your email id , I would like to get in touch with you

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  2. Excellant post Rahul!!!!

    Must say need to learn a lot from blogger like you.. :)

    Keep writing!!

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  3. Very beautifully written. The pain is so raw that it can be felt through your words ..!

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  4. Crystal is right you know. Your story is very strong, as well as topical, definitively emotive and...is a good skeleton on which to hang the meat of a book. Way to go Rahul!

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  5. ...it hits hard Rahul!
    Wonderfully presented!

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  6. Hi Rahul

    The brutality of the whole issue has been brought out beautifully...On reading a post if you can feel your heart pounding a little faster than usual., it shows the strength of the words...Great job!

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  7. hard hitting; well penned and the pain is as real as it can get ! Keep writing rahul !

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  8. a nice read rahul...! the issue has been well penned down.. kudos to you!

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  9. Intense, shocking and yet it has a message.

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  10. Kudos for writing on a topic which many may shy away from....

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  11. Great message, well conveyed. I really like the line "Every bit of pain you suffer through makes you stronger." Well written and expressed!

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